You can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
Well, maybe sometimes you can. There are times when you know when something is appealing or unappealing, positive or negative, just by looking at it. It’s often said that generalizations are there for a reason. Right?
Well, I had a couple of experiences over the last few weeks that got me thinking about this, particularly when it comes to generosity with money. Interestingly, they involved homeless people.
Both instances occurred in downtown Chicago, right of Michigan Avenue – otherwise known as “The Magnificent Mile”. It’s proximate to upscale hotels, stores, and shopping. Nevertheless – or perhaps because of that reason – you will find a few homeless people hanging about in the area.
The first case involved a homeless guy who is often sitting in a particular location, which I walk past on occasion. This guy is scruffy, weather beaten, and disheveled in appearance each time I have seen him sitting there. He looks to be in his 40’s, though it’s hard to tell because the outside elements have a way of aging people.
Anyway, one day recently I walked past him, and noticed that instead of his customary behavior of rattling a coin cup, he was eating. Yes, it looked like he was eating a breakfast sandwich! Good, I thought, he’s not starving.
Then, he did something that I found interesting. He took very tiny little pieces of the sandwich, and tossed them to some small birds that were hopping about on the sidewalk. My initial reaction was, “What’s the matter with him? He’s lucky enough to get food, and he’s giving it away to some birds! He’s nuts.”
After thinking about it, I came to another conclusion: the homeless guy is actually generous. Here’s a guy who’s resorting to begging on the street, looking ragged and destitute, yet he’s sharing food with these little birds. Maybe he relates to them in some way. They’re out of their element in the urban environment, and basically have to take any opportunity they can to pick up some food. That’s how they survive. That’s how HE survives also.
The second occurrence happened last week, within a few blocks. It was the lunch hour, and most people were professionally dressed and quickly going where they needed to go. This apparently included three women that were headed down the sidewalk in the opposite direction as me. In between these women and I was an older homeless woman.
As these women approached, my mind very quickly made a few assessments, in a matter of seconds. First, they were very attractive, very well dressed women in their mid-20’s; two of them had sunglasses on to accent their professional outfits. Second, they looked – shall we politely say – snooty?
The women strutted along, looking like Charlie’s Angels. Then, abruptly, they stopped in front of the homeless woman. One of the ladies warmly smiled, held up a small bag in her hands, and nicely asked the homeless lady, “Would you like a croissant? I just bought it”
The homeless lady slowly took it, with a dazed look in her eyes. She then slowly walked off in the same direction I was going. Meanwhile, the 3 young women walked past me and went on their way as well.
I thought to myself: even though they looked as if they were arrogant, self-absorbed people, they were actually very kind and nice women. They saw the older homeless lady, and didn’t walk right by her. Instead, they showed compassion, and took a moment to help her.
What did I take away from these experiences?
- I remembered that it’s important to realize that there are, in fact, those times when you really can’t judge a book by it’s cover
- Generosity can take many forms, and can come from people in different circumstances
- You don’t have to be wealthy to be generous in spirit
It was refreshing to see.
I like these experiences… thanks for sharing.
Appearances can deceive, can’t they?
I walk past the same homeless guy every day on my exit from the subway, and since the guy is young and looks healthy, I don’t feel compelled to give him any change (and usually, I don’t have any change ;))
I should carry food more often when I am in my car though.I have given some food out in the past when driving and passing by them. I have no sympathy for the ones who are either begging or homeless out of a lifestyle choice cause they want to be “cool”, but there are some that look to be genuinely down on their luck, and those I try to help out even if it’s just something small.
Kevin – I agree, there’s a distinction between those who choose to beg for lifestyle and those who are truly in need. For the latter, I have compassion, particularly for those who are old and/or have serious health issues/disabilities.
Interesting, thanks for sharing.
Whenever I feel compelled by someone on the street, instead of giving food or money, I go home and donate to a food pantry. So I might seem ungenerous if you were watching me outside, but I feel more comfortable doing my donations through organizations.
Nicole – Generosity is such a personal thing, in that there are many ways to do it based one’s personality and preferences. I too have given through organizations, and in some years I have preferred that way as well. Sounds like you’re saying what I’m saying in the article, in a different way – it’s hard to judge a book by its cover.
Looks do deceive, don’t they?
I am usually torn between giving some change to those asking for money. On one hand, I immediately judge them if they look “fine” to me, so I usually give only to older people/disabled/veterans asking for money. On the other hand, I don’t really know the situation, so who am I to judge these people? But if they are too pushy, I end up not giving anything.
Suba – I have to admit: I do have extra sympathy for those that look older, disabled, or in especially bad shape. People that are in their 20’s, who look healthy, aren’t likely to get change from me. Also, if someone is obnoxious, I won’t give either. People do have some choice in how to behave!
I was downtown on a Saturday. My family had just eaten at a great chinese restaurant, when something that still throws me for a loop, happened!
This old well dressed GQ looking black man approached me on the street. He looked like some sort of executive bigwig working casually on the weekend. I as almost floored when he told me he was hunger.
Well, I had the leftover food from the restaurant still in my hands. So I offered the leftovers to him and told him the food was untouched. Well this confused him and he said that he would rather go up the street and get some food. Well, at this point I said I didn’t have any cash as we parted.
I would have never guessed that he was a beggar, so yes, I agree, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.
Money Reasons – It’s interesting how he didn’t take the food. Perhaps it was just money he was really after.
I love these stories Squirreler! I probably would have thought the same thing about the 3 women, so glad they proved us wrong.
I got ‘burned’ once by giving a homeless guy 5 dollars, only to see him smoking the next day. Outside Tiger stadium you always seem homeless looking vets in wheelchairs, and there are tons of them. It just breaks my heart.
I do think giving food is the way to go though.
EverydayTips – Glad you liked the story. Interesting how you mentioned getting burned once. I recall being 21 (LONG time ago, unfortunately!), and walking with a group of college friends in an area of bars in Chicago. There was a homeless guy there, who was telling people he was a vet. Of the guys in our group, only one gave him money, and it was actually a guy who had an real arrogant streak to him. I was surpised/impressed by his generosity Of course, later that night, we saw that homeless guy in a bar drinking. It was unfortunate.
I’m just glad that there are some good stories out there as well!
I like sweet stories…thanks! I’m actually starting a new blog that will have a monthly random-acts-of-kindness challenge like Frugal Confessions started (mine will be a little less organized, I’m sure)…I figure that everybody could be happier if some good vibes are spread around.
If I have food in my car when I see someone begging at the corner, I always give it away…I’ve “split” many a lunch with the homeless guy near my job (I hand him part of my lunch while waiting at the light) – it’s gotten to the point that I look before I order just so I can remember his water and sandwich too, lol. I’ve also started carrying bananas and granola bars on a regular basis and donate those pretty often too. I’m buying a new case at Sam’s Club today just to keep in my car. 🙂
I used to judge all of those people, “I wish they’d get a job” or “they don’t look too bad”, but sharing just feels way better than judging. So what if they are “lying” and don’t really need it – I still get to feel good that I may have helped.
@Money Reasons, I have had that happen twice! I offer food and they say they much rather have cash. I responded to one “I don’t carry cash in Houston” and to the other I smiled and said “oh, the irony” and drove away when the light turned green…isn’t that saying “beggars can’t be choosers”. 😉
BFS – Thanks for sharing the news about your new blog! I’ll be looking forward to seeing it unveiled. Let me know when it’s about to launch, so I can be there for the grand opening 🙂
By the way, that’s great that you’re so giving.
@Budgeting in the Fun Stuff and @Squirrelers
This guy looked GQ too all the way! If he wasn’t in his 50s, I would think that it was an experiment, just to see what I would do. I think he just wanted some booze money 😉
The chinese place that we went to has great food, so in a way, I was happy that he left my food alone…
Money Reasons – Yep, as I think about your example more, suspect that you’re on track with why food wasn’t wanted. At least you got to keep that tasty food for yourself, after all.