Recently, I was talking to somebody about the topic of wills and inheritances. Our conversation centered on how family issues can play a big role in how things play out, and how situations can get complicated with dividing things up.
The topic of my blog came up, and I mentioned that I’ve written a few posts on this topic of late. First I shared the feedback from my post on siblings dividing an inheritance, and then I brought up my fairly recent post on 401(k) accounts and inheritances. The latter discussed how it’s important for people later in life to understand the specific rules on beneficiaries, as many people end up seeing their money go to someone other than who they thought would get the money. This is particularly true with adult kids and remarriages. Personally, I find this stuff to be fascinating, with the dynamics and dilemmas that are involved in such situations.
The conversation ended up going to a story that this friend told me about someone he knew (might have been extended family, but I missed that detail) whose uncle had remarried later in life, after having 2 kids from his first marriage. The man married a woman who had kids from her first marriage as well; it was either 2 or 3 kids – again, don’t remember that detail. What’s most important is that they remarried later in life, and both had multiple grown children coming into this union.
Anyway, the man died after a few short years of marriage, and left his assets to his new wife. All his assets. She got everything.
Now, he was very close to his adult kids. Additionally, for years prior to getting remarried, he had told them that eventually they would get everything he had. However, upon getting remarried, something changed in that equation. Whether he got swept up in marriage, or it was an oversight, or whatever the reason was, his will indicated that his assets would pass to the 2nd wife. That’s right: his adult kids would get nothing, even though he was very close to them.
Now, she was apparently fairly well off, and had seemingly accumulated a decent nest egg, as his story went. My friend didn’t know the specifics, but apparently the woman’s first husband died and she had a sum of money from that marriage. He assumed she might have had more money than her husband – the person my friend knew.
What did the woman do with the inheritance? She kept it, using it for herself and her own kids.
That’s where I’m left to disagree with that approach.
My friend had more of an “it is what it is” opinion about this. In other words, he had the view that it was her money, so the woman could do what she wanted with it. If her husband gave her the money, it’s hers. He wanted to give it to her, so why shouldn’t she take it?
My view is different. While I acknowledge that the money would legally belong to the woman since she inherited it, morally and ethically she should share it with the man’s adult kids. My reasoning is this: they were a part of their father’s life from the moment they were born up until his very end, which means their birth to their 30’s. The second wife in the remarriage was only his wife for a few short years later in life. Thus, they should get priority. Even if he didn’t have them in the will, it seems like the right thing to do for her to either:
- Give his assets to them entirely; or
- Give most of his assets to them entirely, and keep a small portion for herself.
My friend’s comments were along the lines of the wife needs to come first, before kids, even if she was married for just one day rather than a few short years as was actually the case. The thinking was that this follows his view of the hierarchy of a man’s responsibilities and that the kids are younger and can take care of themselves easier.
My thinking is different. I believe that since she’s his second wife, and he only knew for a few years later in life, she is far less deserving of his pre-marital assets than his kids. To me, any assets accumulated before the 2nd marriage should be given back to the adult kids of the man. Then, the woman can keep the assets accumulated from the start of the marriage until the man’s passing. That seems more fair to me, with the kids having priority for pre-marital money.
Bottom line is that I think that while the 2nd wife legally got all the money, it just seems wrong for her to keep most of it. Rather, the man’s adult kids should be a priority, and she should recognize that.
Again, she’s apparently not poor and already had assets of her own already.
My Questions for You:
1. Who do you agree with: my friend, or me?
2. While this may seem impossible to picture yourself in that woman’s situation, what would you do if you were a spouse in her exact situation? How would you handle it, considering the factors I mentioned
Please feel free to share this article with anyone dealing with a blended family situation who could benefit from reading it. It’s great to raise awareness of such issues, and let people know that they’re not alone in managing this type of situation.
My husband recently died without a will. So we trying to open up his estate.
He has five kids, two by different mother and he left them money. I trying to open the estate and the two he left money to claims im underhanded. The three the didnt get no money, thank me for loving and caring for their dad and sign the papers for me to me personal representative. The other two refuse to sign so we have to go to court because they think dad had all this money. I explain to them that I will get half of the money and his kids will split the other half. Their dad always bail them out of financial trouble( the two that wont sign) but he had alot of credit cards, loans and debt but they think I’m lying. I have debt that I’m paying because we have both our names on loan and one of the loan I sign for in my name to bail his daughter out . I still love them and I pray for them but there dad was real sick and I stayed night and day in the hospital with him. he had cancer and alot times they did not show up, those two would beg for money while he was in the hospital. They refuse to pay there bills and wait to gas and electric reach 1200.00 and he would take a loan and pay it. I feel he bless them while he was living and they should be greatful. These two women are in there forties and still neglecting the bills. Both of them having some financial problems and he always bail them out. So now im the victim because they know I wont bail them out. They will have to grow up and be responsible
Regardless of the deficits his children, may or may not have, they’re his children. If his children are excluded in the division of estate, only because YOUR opinion of them, then you’re misguided. Clear your mind & heart & do what’s morally right & divide the entire estate with all his children. This decision will prevent BAD KARMA from destroying the life you have left, on this earth!!!!
My dad had 4kids with his wife and while married and out of wedlock he had 3 more children. He bought house made his wife joint tenat, before she died one of the Sib. By her, did a quick claim deed. Forged his mother’s name. She had alstimer and dimentiA, there was no Att. To enforce her rights. Who gets the house
If there are dementia diagnosis charted by doctors she was not legally able to sign anything that is as illegal as having a drunk man sign over his house
I have been married for only 2 weeks to a man that were married for 42 years. His wife passed and we started seeing each other. He has 3 kids 2 by a different woman all grown and married. His daugther and her son he does the most for. His 15 year old grandson he basically take care of his from allowance, lunch money, haircuts, to clothes, he even puts money away for college the grandson is 15 has a father and stepfather, he recently redid is life insurance leaving me 36 percent, her 34, and one son 30, the problem I have I’m the wife they are married and I have to put him away, I think I should get at least 50 per cent. I’m I wrong?
What??!!
Your comment is insane. Spouses have an obligation to care for each other first after they pass as the surviving spouse is likely to be headed toward retirement/old age or already there and will need the money for care…while the adult children are likely still in their prime earning and saving years.
This widow doesn’t owe her stepkids any more than what their dad saw fit to give them and needs to protect her assets from them in her old age.
I totally agree. My husband died, his kids from a previous marriage wanted everyhing. I gave them Alot more than required & they still wanted more. No thank you. My kids didn’t get anything because they were his step kids. I am near retitement age & have to get a fulltime job to cover it. The ugly when someone dies blows me away. I heard it gets bad, but never realised how bad until in it. Do not agree to anything until you are thinking clear & ready, they got me the same day he died, I should have waited. Spouse needs to come first.
So true well spoken
If you are a second wife/husband, I think it is wrong of you to pressure or force your spouse to cut their children out of a will and leave everything to you. Especially if they were intending to leave an inheritance to their children before you came along. Parents often take pride in being able to bequeath something to their children. It’s certainly about money but it’s also a symbolic gesture. You should definitely be a priority as well and assets acquired during a marriage should obviously be left to you, but if you enter a marriage making demands that everything should be left to you because you are insecure about being “a second class wife” then thats immature.
Yes. The morally thing regardless of how they are, it is lawful to do so. I agree with half for wife while all children split the other half among themselves.
MY father married a woman when he was twenty eight years old and she died while delivering their first and only daughter. The woman owned a property,a small piece of land.Hwo was the heir,my father or the daughter that just being born?After After raising the girl my father married my mother and it was a marriage that lasted forty years until he passed away.Did my mother have a right to any property that my father inherited from his first wife?
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I believe that it is fair that you receieve at least enough money to pay off the debts that were accumulated during marriage. It is not fair that he passes away and that you are left to take care of that on your own. You were his wife and loved him dearly and chose to take care if him. It is definitely nice as a child to inherit money from a parent, but we are not entitled to it so the fact that you are willing to split it is kind. You taking care of yourself as a widow in this situation will not create bad karma. Your husband lived you and the kids. Bless you
My X husband just passed away. We were married for nine years & blessed with two children. After divorced, he remarried a lady with two children from her previous merrage. They were married 35 yrs. He did not have a will although many members of both blended persons, were very much aware of mentioned request, from deceased, while very much alive, as to, insurance will take care of them and my daughter, always involved with her father, shared his love for an automobile, he owned, after inheriting from his father’s death, who originally bought car New. The spouse told my Son & Daughter, there was not any insurance to be declared with them as benifisheries & NO will. Of corse, my daughter’s request was to get the car, her dad had publicly announded, MANY TIMES, it to be hers when he passed. The Step mother disregarded my daughter’s intent to keep car in family & her desire to posess it. It was put up for sale, with my Xs personal Van. My daughter Not having transportation at that time, i requested to purchase Van. It was ignored. The Spouce listed CAR at a high unreasonable price, which indicated she may not want to sell it out of the family. We only Wished. In hopes my daughter may receive the car or be able to buy it later! After two years with no insight, from step mother, to my daughter continuous desire for Car, it sold, over phome for 2/3 % less then originally listed. A price I can afford & after 2 yrs, my daughter may have been making payments to Step Mother, since car just set in driveway. Daughter was not told about lowering Price, although, step mother always stays in very close contact with my daughter and always seems very nice. Although with her concern of selling ALL that was my children’s Fathers belongings gave a since if greed. Very well set with a military benefit & law inforcement pention, being 20 yrs younger than my X, Social Security bennifit is still years away. My Question..
Does my daughter have legal right to request possession of automobile, that her father constantly, reminded ALL, that it is her car. Or she could try to purchase it. Since the over phone purchase has not transpired, as of now. We agreed the price offered was not even enough to sell it for. I’m not a legal advisor, although, her father, NOT having a Will, that my kids know of and nothing mentioned of division of their dad’s belongings, even two years after deceassed, do my Children have the right to declare their Rights of possion.
Youre an evil, selfish monster.
I remarried at 54 to a man 59…who had gone thru a bitter divorce with ex after almost 40 years of marriage. He gave her 1/2 of everything including his retirement (altho she had retirement if her own and had worked the duration if their marriage) around 400 thousand
I encouraged him to forgive and forget and move on. He told me his grown girls were self sufficient and within the first 6 months I realized that was a lie..
all have used him for $$$ regularly. He began to be more discerning after his divorce due to his changed financial situation and the daughters raged against me -thinking and saying outright that I was a gold digger and one wished me dead. So stressed a sad I almost gave up but with his assurrance here we are 3 years later and doing well. Until I talked to him about a will. I was concerned after he went to hospital for a-fib and was asked by an aunt of mine about our wills…
He does not have one nor do i
He may or may not? have an old one that oldest daughter has that’s pre marriage (she’s the one that wanted to kill me:(
When I suggested we hire e an attorney to figure it out
he balked and still does so a year after his recovery. When we met and later married we agreed to love honor and cherish, he said that caring for me and me and I for him meant everything he promised to care for me. I peomised to care for him
Am I wrong to believe him? Is it wrong for me to be concerned that his grown children who enjoy drugs and irresponsible lifestyles and hate me whose mother is quite wealthy and I am not …to be afraid of what might happen if something should happen to him.
I lost both my parents in the last 5 years and he IS my family and life and they would fight just to ruin me.
It’s very sad. I believe if a man or woman leaves willingly everything to their spouse …old or new it should be honored and it is wrong morally and ethically in my opinion to make the NEW wife feel guilty that her husband choose to leave everything to her. There MUST be reasons that he knew of to do so and if my husband cannot make the same commitment to me…im afraid that will tell me just what he really thinks of me and our relationship and poor or not I will start over and in the end when his greedy children fight over everything I won’t have to be around to witness them devour each other.
Please stop arguing or disagreeing with his children over his estate. He’s capable mentally & he Loves his chuldren. Instead, you should be concentrating on your own earn assets & allow him to honor his children. Remember tomorrow is not promised to you or any one. Always take the high road & do the honorable thing & you will be rewarded in the end.
What a crock! My mom remarried an uneducated, unintelligent, raging alcoholic who had 10 vultures from a previous marriage and would only come running if t he scent of $$$ was in the air…my mother was diagnosed with Dementia and had worked at Boeing for over 30+ years. Her retirement(200K) was supposed to be split between my mom’s kids and him but he took it ALL giving it to buzzards who would only call when they needed money….I hope they ALL die of rectal cancer
As Judge Judy would say, “Well, she picked him!”
I totally agree. Unless you r in that situation you can not comment. Your money follows your heart. What is the aging wife to do….be homeless….is that love. May be an extreme but he took on a wife as his obligation. Children r to leave grow up. Bible talks about a man caring for his wife……not grown children
I completely agree with this. A persons money is just that …their money. They earned it and it belongs to them not there kids. When you read marry late in life doesn’t matter. A commitment to take care of someone is that. A person should do with their money what they want and not worry about anyone else thinks. I think making sure a spouse is taken care of is the most important thing in a marriage.
Are you on the deed to the house as joint tenants with rights of survivorship? If so, that will pass to you outside of probate regardless of what a will says or if there is no will.
That said…you and your husband should definitely go get wills made. It stinks for everyone where there is no will and makes dealing with someone’s death much more difficult than it needs to be. I know because my mom’s brother died unexpectedly with n
o will and since he wasn’t married and had no kids, she was made co-executor with another brother by default. There was very little in the “estate” but it took her about two dozen trips to her brother’s home state over 8 hours away over the course of three years to get everything sorted out properly.
If he’d had a will (or a wife who could have inherited some assets without probate) then it would have been done in a couple visits / one year.
Does your husband really want to leave the people he loves with such a horrible, time-sucking task after he’s gone?
His will should fully provide for you as his spouse…there’s no reason you should be homeless and worried about poverty after your husband dies just because you’re a second wife…that doesn’t make you a second-class citizen. In the eyes of the law, you are his spouse and life partner.
My father recently passed may he RIP.
my dad and step mom had a will to devide the house between his and her children when they passed. well my father remarried my mom after my stepmoms passing and ammended his will to add my mom to get a 4th of the sell if she chooses to sell. He also put her name on the deed of the house. Can my mom change the will and keep us from recieving our share of the estate
I was a 2nd wife and my husband had an adult daughter when we married and I had two teenagers. We were married for 15 years but we both had nothing coming into the marriage. We bought our home together and we both had small life insurance policies. He became disabled a year after we married with heart disease and kidney failure so he was on disability while I worked. Also, I took care of him after he lost both legs and became confined to a wheelchair. His daughter lived out of State but did not come to visit until towards the end of his life. After he died she came to the funeral and on the same day asked if her father had left her any money. I couldn’t believe she could think of money when we just put him in the ground. She called me often until the life insurance came. I told her I would pay my bills so I could keep my home and then I would share with her. She was 37 years old with two children at the time. I did share with her in memory of her dad and I also sent money monthly to her daughter when she went to college, for two years. I am not wealthy but I thought it was the right thing to do. But, I resent the implication that my marriage was not valued because I was his 2nd wife. My 1st husband has not seen his children since they were small and I’m sure he has nothing to leave them and nothing they want. But, still, my conscience us clear,
Blended families are tough!!! My husband & I have been married 8 years, been together 10 years. His oldest son moved out of his Fathers house at 16 because he didn’t like his Dad not spending enough time with him! The oldest never told his Dad that. Dad worked two jobs and had two other sons. Oldest son came to me and wanted help getting a relationship back with his Dad. I’m step Mom 2. I worked hard to mend wounds, it worked. Just two years ago my husband at age 63 was diagnosed with ‘Cognitive Impairment’. It’s progressing unfortunately he is getting worse. My husband’s Father past away at 96 years of age in March. Leaving a nice inheritance to my husband & his sister. There was acreage that had been in the family 53 years. Oldest son was very upset because his Dad would NOT sell it to him for below fair market value. Was so degrading, rude and belittling to my husband it was embarrassing! Oldest son did not care that his Father may need that inheritance down the road for memory care! Only that he, the oldest son, had a dream of owning that property. Did not even consider his Aunt. Then wanted us to float him a loan for the extra money. Which we do not have nor did we want a loan to deal with. Then as we were going through my husband’s Dad’s paperwork we find papers where my husband’s middle son & oldest son tried to get their Grandpa to change his will so they would inherit everything! There are 7 other Grandchildren and my husband & his sister. How does that sound to you? Selfish & self-serving? Me too. I have the great financial assets in our relationship. I have a trust, my husband has a will. My trust allows for my husband’s care if I should pass away before he does. Then my trust goes to my biological Grandchild and my Step-Granschild. Not my husband’s children. My husband’s assets, If Any after his mental health care, will go to me. My husband is giving his oldest son & youngest son’s $20,000 now while he is still alive. The middle son I’d receiving a classic car that he helped his Father build. All three are getting the same monetary value now. Then it will be stated that my husband has previously left his son’s monetary assets. IF there is any monetary funds left from my husband’s inheritance I will split that amoung the three sons. The two older sons have not even considered their half brother getting an inheritance. None. Keep in mind no matter what you do….it is never enough, you will always be the bad step parent. This disease could bankrupt us. But those grown adult step children could care less. So it is never a cut and dry situation. It ain’t easy always being the bad guy or girl!!!! I know this if those sons were given the responsibility to take care of their Father……..it would last 3 months!
my dad got married twice after never divorcing my mom. the 2nd wife he was with from me being 16 until I was in my 30s. she was a wonderful grandma and she loved us all. She died with a law suit of wrongful death. my dad got that. the 3rd wife was a complete devil. not to mention related to my mother by marriage. she heard my dad liked her and my dad was older. he was to have a heart transplant after triple by pass surgery with in ten years. it already passed ten years when his 3rd wife got him and then found out about a pension. His 3rd started telling my dad I was steeling and being mean to her behind his back. She spent her 1st dead husbands money and then married my dad quick and even tried to get pregnant. that didn’t work so the problems she created progressed fast to the point I didn’t care and that I was not going to pretend to like her. we BBQ. at my dads every Sunday and split up the left overs to bring home. My daughter was accused of steeling food. So many lies. She moved my to another state where she had full control of him not talking to me. After my dad died she had a dinner at his house following the free 30 min service my dad got. I was not allowed to go to my dads house for the dinner. She got mad at my kids because they would not play her game against me and leave me alone. I don’t know what’s going on with anything that belong to my dad. I do know everything my dad had was before he was with her. I don’t know how to go about any of it. Him not being divorced from my mom who is alive or if he still had the life insurance him and his 2nd wife had for us. The 3rd wife told my son it is on paper what he will get but has not heard from her. The obituary never mentioned my brother but mentioned two kids that was not his and one not being hers either but belonging to her first dead husband. thanks for reading my problems and I hope it made since. God Bless
I’m going through the same thing. Did you ever get anything resolved.
What you wrote Sharon is a mirror of what is happening in my family at the moment. I agree with all you say, so thank you.
I agree with your friend. Sorry but we are in our second marriage and My husband is in so much debt from the first marriage that I am helping him out of… he even had to file for bankruptcy. But he pays his child support every month even though our family has to sacrifice everything for the three other kids (my 2 and our joint 1) at this house. His child support is so high it cancels out what i receive for my TWO kids. When it comes time for an inheritance it will be used to catch us back up to what we should have had to live on now but don’t. His son has much more than he needs now…. or maybe his first wife does. However, he will inherit 100% of everything from his mom because he is an only child on that side. I think your example of grown adults for 30 years is different… I met my husband when his son was 4 so we have almost known each other the same amount of time. I will use the money as I see fit, which is how my husband desires and intends it to be. I also believe in a familial hierarchy and if we were a non blended family with all natural children we would not have the huge sacrificial child support payment or this debate…
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My wife and I divorced and I moved from Colorado to Texas. I was raising her son since he was 4 yrs old. At the age 15, I moved to Texas, 2 months later she sent him to live with me. He never had much contact with her and no support. He lived with me 25yrs until December 31 and died in auto accident. Do L have any legal rights as a parent even though I didn’t have legal custody.
Mom had 8 children. 2 mentally ill and one handicap wheel chair bound with severe learning disabilities. She transferred her deed to 2 children and to the son of one of those children. Mom was very sick for the last 20 years of life getting progressively worse until her death. The understanding was the deed holders would serve as keepers and administrators for the rest of the family especially the vulnerable ones. Her wish and all 8 of us knew it, is that none of her children would be homeless or in need of funds to help with living or medical care, the rents would serve that purpose. One offspring g and his son together holds 2/3 and using that as leverage as major stake holder and denying to give any info on the property or share its assets with even the third on the deed.
What options died this family have?
I agree with your thinking on who should be more entitled. Children can never go out and get a new dad, but trust me step-mom’s can find a new husband. Blood is thicker then water is always the common rule here, if the spouse is the stepmom this goes into effect. Now im not saying that the widow should get nothing, but in most cases they are entitled to more then the actual blood kids, which is wrong and needs to morally be relooked at. 25% each would be about fair, but i say anything before the marriage is split between the kids only and everything after is split evenly with the stepmom, which she gives to her own kids(if any).
Spouses should inherit first, then kids. Period. When you marry, you pledge yourself to another person and promise to honor and care for them above all others…which includes adult children.
There are lots of reasons that this is how the law looks at inheritance and how most couples create their wills. One reason is that spouses are typically in old age or headed there when they lose their partner…and the surviving spouse will need the assets that they’ve built up together in retirement and old age…while the kids are typically still earning and saving.
WHY SHOULD MY MOM’S MONEY GO TO ANOTHER WOMAN AND HER CHIDREN? no.
I have been married for 23 years. This is my first marriage and my husband’s second. We have no children between us but he has a son 28 years old from his previous mare. Is it fair for me to expect half of his estate to be given to me and to whoever I want to bequeath to unpon my demiseand is my nephew and the other half to his son?
Yes…that’s more than fair. Actually, it would be most fair for you to inherit everything should your husband pass away before you…just as I assume he’s inheriting everything if you pass before him?
Spouses are life partners and are expected to provide for each other in the event of their deaths. You shouldn’t worry about being homeless or not having enough money to live on in your old age just because your husband had a child from a previous relationship. Children aren’t entitled to an inheritance…but spouses are absolutely entitled to the assets that they built up together in their marriage.
If you haven’t made wills together, you should go do that. You should also make sure that your name is on the deed to your home as joint tenants with rights of survivorship…that way, if your husband dies before you, you can keep living in your home without it going into probate…it passes to you automatically and is not part of the estate.
My FIL passed when he was 72. He married his 6th wife when he found out she was pregnant and became a dad prob for about the 8th time in his 50s. They were married for 19 years and she never worked. My husband worked 80-100 hrs a week at below market pay in his company and worked his way up. Upon his death, she inherited everything including the company. I’d say $2-3 million. So my husband got zero. What’s even worse is that his half brother was handed everything in life. College paid for, cell phones, cars, car insurance and all living expenses still and he’s 28! So she’s spending his dads inheritance on her biological and still 10 years later nothing to my husband ?????
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My mother recently passed away and she had been remarried to my stepdad when I was about 16 years old he ended up moving into the house that hurt my father had accumulated together and her previous marriage which she was granted in the divorce to be able to keep. I do know that she have a will and that my stepfather had pretty much had her son everything over to him when she found out that she had cancer five years ago. I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick. All because of me a couple bad choices in my life I know that I should be entitled to a lot more than what I’ve been told it I would be getting I have not seen the wheel I don’t know who I need to contact in order to see the will. I know that my mother has left a warehouse in 5 Storage Buildings filled with things to you accumulated over the years I was also trying to sell as antiques. I do know that my mom had also put his daughter from a previous marriage in her will along with her children and my two children. My stepdad and I haven’t gotten along for probably the last 7 years due to the fact that when I was low on money in struggling he ended up propositioning me for sexual favors for money which I declined numerous times and file my mother is struggling with cancer I kept it from her until I couldn’t keep it from her no longer because when I would turn him down it was like he would find a way to pick a fight with me to get me out of the house I had a bench lie told my mother I guess 2 years before she passed away but he was doing this and he denied all of it straight lied to her . It ended up happening again about a year prior to her death and I tried to mention it to her again and pretty much call him out I just wish I would have had more solid proof of it to show her but she felt as if it misfired hadn’t been there alongside of her taking care of her through this time in her life. I kind of feel like she believed me after the second time of me telling her but was still in denial of it so much because him being there and I was always making sure that he made a way that would push me out of the way from being there for her. I had mentioned both of them that I felt like I was getting the short end of the stick with me being her only child from a previous marriage and him pretty much moving in to the house that her and my father had gotten together. He had a few jobs here and there but most of the time he didn’t work and she had work the same job 40 years. I had often brought it up to her that I felt like he was using and scamming her and that if all I’m supposed to get is the stuff in storage that nobody wants the headache of dealing with that I was going to kontest the wheel but I’m not sure about how to go about contesting a will when I don’t have any assets to help me in this process. And him being known by his name and what his family had built. I’ve always felt like I was entitled to a lot more than what has been put before me so far and even with the storage units that are supposed to be in the wheel and given to me he has put a limit on it I’m when I can go to them and go through them and how I am to sell all of this and he’s put a time frame on it. he only allows me to come over and get my mail that is being still delivered to her address . But he does not let me inside the home. He won’t let me go through any of her stuff there and I just don’t know where to turn to and what to do about the situation. I don’t want to sound like I’m being selfish at all but I do feel like she ended up at the end of her days changing her will because he had talked her into it and dividing the majority of everything but the storage units between my two children his daughter from a previous marriage and her two children and him. So my question is what am I entitled to where can I turn 2 help me out with regaining what is entitled to me .
My husband‘s stepfather is dying. He has raised my husband as his son for 47 years . He is the only father my husband knows he does not know who his real dad is. My father-in-law has one blood daughter and apparently has left everything to her. A lawyer told him he could not leave anything to my husband because he was not blood. Is this true or not? Because we are thinking about contesting the trust if he is entitled to something .
My dad just recently passed. We didnt have the greatest relationship. He was an alcoholic. As I started making a family of my own I grew a strong resentment towards him for drinking his life away and not knowing his grandchildren. We had gas wells and land a couple properties. My dad was an only child born from my grandfather. My grandma had kids from other marriages. Only one of those kids still alive. My aunt. I dont claim her an aunt after what shes done I dint co sider her family at all. My dad hated her and always did he used to tell me, baby girl dont let your aunt end up with everything you fight tooth and nails for your inheritance if you have to. So in the final year before his death. She was taking care of him and when I say taking care of him I mean. Bri gi g him a 30 pack of beer everyday u till he died. And she had already done this before to her husband up until time of his death. And kept all his money as well and didnt give anything to his kids it was a big messy legal battle. With an unfortunate ending to his kids. Back to the story. My dad sold of our gas wells mineral rights water front property that I grew up on my entire life. My daddy loved this place and knee what it ment to me. I didnt find out any of this until after his passing. My aunt says my dad had nothing. Gave me his truck and 2100 dollars she says was all he had in his account. She kept his house which was my great grannies. She did not even have relation to her. Or any relation. To my grandpa who is the one who. All these assets belonged to. My dads mom and her mom died 6 mos prior to my dad passing. So is it fair that she takes everything that was suppose to be mine. Shes says that because I wasnt the one around taking care of him shes entitled because I didnt care to take care of him. My mom and dad divorced when I was 3. And he never tried a day after that to have a relationship with me. My mom took me to stay with him until I was old enough to drive myself then when I started a family. I stopped going I had I family to look after. And only enough money to pay my Bill’s and feed my children. U have a lot of pain deep down that over my childhood and teens years learned to put that hurt away. So with all that being said. Do I have any legal standings. And just because I wasnt taking care of him exclude me from what is my birth right. My dad didnt take care of me a day in his life.
The man had a Will made after marrying his new wife. For whatever reason, those were his wishes. I think you should worry about your own parents.
My dad passed away in September 2018, had a long time GF for the last 25+ years. He paid for the house , had no mortgage. , she moved in after. She is a lot younger and was very good to my dad. She got to live mortgage free for the last 25+ years, and she is currently on three of her family’s mortgages, she wants half of my dads estate, but my dad isnt on any property she owns. What’s a fair offer? She basically got 30k from a “JOINT account already.
I agree with you about his pre-second marriage assets going to his children. But, I also agree that anything he and his second wife made during their second marriage, his children deserve some of that, too. Not sure how to calculate that, because the second wife would need to have died, too, for the money to be split. Hard decisions. And harder things to accept. I am in a second marriage and, unfortunately, my husband was upside down and in debt when we married. I have also had to bail him out with his kid’s expenses and his ex-wife’s demands. So, the money I had before we married was spent up before I could get my husband back on track to making sound financial decisions. So, if something happens to him….what happens to his assets? He didn’t have any. He had debt. If something happens to me? I am certain by son would not see much of anything, unfortunately. Life is not always fair….as it should be. But, we need to raise our children to be capable enough to take care of themselves, so they aren’t depending on an inheritance which may or may not pan out!
My dad passed in 2011 and left it to my stepmum who passed away last year my three step siblings did not tell us she had passed rushed her funeral which was a double plot so they dug the grave in and have had her do a will which has left me and my sister and our children out totally I only ever asked for a family sirloin ring passed from my gran and missed out my neice and nephew who’s mum passed away my dad said it would go to grand kids I never got to say goodbye and have no writes or money to follow it up it is disgusting as they were never there and have a father of their own but they have got away with it and we have nothing we can do.
My parents are married and have a polyamoris relationship with my friend’s mother. She has recently divorced her ex husband. What is she called to me, and her ex husband? (ex: mother, half mom, dad, ect.)
I definitely agree with you. It’s a moral and ethical question. Right vs wrong!
My kids are going through that exact scenario. Their father lived with his second wife before marriage for about 4-5 years then they married and were married for approx 2years before his death from cancer. Prior to his death he told our adult children they would all (3) be receiving money and our oldest would receive his car, our son would receive his tools and anything in the garage. Now Iknow for a fact that my ex husband was “frugal” to say the least and know he must of had quite a bit of money set aside for them. There was no living trust but he did tell the kids there was a will. Well guess what they received NOTHING and his second wife bought a brand new house! So where do ya go from here?????
Contact a lawyer and do your best to try to sue her. There should be a law to protect children from previous marriages. After all the children lose their mom and dad, they cannot go out and replace them, but the greedy wife or husband can always replace their dead spouses! Most of these step moms and step dad’s are already on their 3 to 8th marriages.
You are so right. We can’t replace our parents. I am raising two young children without them and the one thing that would provide security is out of my reach, despite it belonging to both my mum and my dad.
I personally think blood is thicker than water and could not even imagine not taking care of my kids in my will. But to stiff them? You’re own KIDS? I think that’s the ultimate F.U. and is horrible and unforigivable. Just my opinion.
we are talking about men. We women dont do those things.
I am going through this right now. I was the only child and heir, and my mom and dad loved me more than life. But after my mom died, my dad added his new wife to all of his property and did not make a will.
Even though his wishes were clear, he did not write them down, and now my stepmother is the legal owner of my entire inheritance. I am devastated. It’s honestly hard to breathe.
I am going through exactly that, and have been for nearly 8 years. I’m trying to move on from it but it’s hard to because my life is very difficult, whereas my dad’s second wife is quite comfortable. Like you say, some days, it’s hard to breath.
I would like to know what is the proper etiquette for jewelry that was given to my mom from her second marriage after my dad died. She had a wedding ring and several other pieces of jewelry. My mom recently passed away and my sisters have kept all the jewelry. I personally think anything that was given to my mom from her 2nd husband should go to his kids? Thoughts? Also, my wife gave my mom a broach for one of the Christmas gifts when we were dating. We are now married. Is it proper to get that broach back since my wife ultimately gave it to her, so she can have a remembrance of her?
As long as she produced a daughter in that second marriage then yes because it was her father given to her mother. But If your sisters are her only daughters then why not let them have it, afterall it was there MOTHER”S! doesn’t matter who gave it, it was their moms.
Elizabeth, the house was probably put in survivorship clause. In this case there is no will it goes to surviving spouse. I realize this hurts and I am sorry, but often when couples age and their children are grown, they know how rough things will be for the surviving spouse. The s for spouse who dies stops. And if the spouse is aging many costs may come up. I bet your parents left you very capable of making your own way, that’s all they truly owe you
So easy to say, unless you’re in the situation yourself and you know what it’s like.
I am caring for a 78 year old man his sons never come about him, He has got to the point he is scared to live alone,He has parkins , I gave him a offer I will take him to my house an care for him as long as he lives if he will sign his house an land over to me which is not much at all, My guestion is can his sons come at his death an take it from me. thanks for your advice
I am married a second time. My husband is coming in with two adult children and a 401k worth 300K. He is demanding now that I sign completely off of the 401k. I told him I would sign off on the 300K but not monies earned going forwards in the marriage. This is only discussing death as we will not divorce.
Please share your thoughts.
I am married a second time. My husband is coming in with two adult children and a 401k worth 300K. He is demanding now that I sign completely off of the 401k. I told him I would sign off on the 300K but not monies earned going forwards in the marriage. This is only discussing death as we will not divorce.
Please share your thoughts.
i agree with you
I am recently married to my second spouse. We purchased a home with ‘Right of Survivorship’. Equal money is in the house. We have agreed to pay more towards principal to build together. We have separate IRA’s. We would keep them separate and the money in there now goes to our children from prior marriages. We are opening new Roth IRA’s and designating each other as beneficiaries. Everything is always half and half with us.
Our dilemma is this, my husband wants me to sign off completely on a 401K plan he has prior to me. He has 300K in his and I have 31K in mine. I have said that I would sign off on 300K but not monies earned on top going forward from the point we were married on. He would also sign off on my 31K and have whatever builds in mine. I currently contribute 20% and my employee matches 5%. He has a retirement job for about 3 more years. It will accumulate a little that will go to me. I will work another 7 to 10 years. (He has made his prior. I’m making mine going forward.) Also, I will carry him when he retires at 62 to 65 (when he can receive Medicare) from working at my teaching job.
The issue is.. his money from his retirement account is in cash now. He’s waiting for market to go way down to buy. He wants every penny to stay separate from me and go to his children. I know we are coming in unfairly but it seems reasonable that I sign off on the 300K and moving forward with everything.. it’s ‘ours’ no matter where the money came from or is earned. I should have prefaced that I am simply talking about death pay outs Not divorce. We are a beautiful perfectly matched couple. Divorce is a different matter and I understand that. This is not a question about divorce but upon death. Please help me and let me know if my thinking is wrong. It’s hurting us.
Thank You,.
This was a second marriage for us both, my husb had 3 grown children, one very responsible with money, 2 are not, my 2 adult children are responsible. My husb unfortunately passed away without a will, so I need to get everything in order and want to do the right, ethical and fair thing in working out the disbursement of the finances, as beneficiaries. It would be nice to help the responsible ones somewhat at this while I’m still here, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it for the others. I am really at a loss, I’ve been thinking a financial advisor could be helpful. Any thoughts, input or advice would be appreciated.
Thank you.
This article is a refreshing change from many articles I have read on the subject, and is very close to my own situation. I’m in the UK. My mum died in 1992, when I was 25, my brother 28. She and my dad had prided themselves on being able to buy a property, something which their own parents weren’t able to do. They spent years and many thousands of pounds refurbishing the house, so we grew up in a lovely home. They owned the house as joint tenants so full ownership passed to my dad when mum died, and my brother and I weren’t expecting it to be any different. At 54, we knew he still had his life to live. About a year later, he was in a new relationship with someone who he and my mum had known since childhood but had lost touch with over the years. She was also widowed with two children. Apparently, she had been left quite ‘comfortable’ by her first husband.
About 2.5 years after my mum died and before he remarried, dad sold our family home and gave the majority of the sale proceeds to his girlfriend to buy half her house. Being mortgage free, she invested the money in stocks and shares as a way of protecting her own childrens’ inheritance, again perfectly understandable. To this day, she continues to draw an income from it and has told me so on several occasions. A year or so after moving in with her, they sold her\their house and bought another which they owned 50/50 as tenants in common, each leaving their share to their respective children but the survivor having a life interest.
In 2011, my dad died out of the blue. We found out about the tenants in common arrangement and, initially, we were fine with it. He had about £50,000 in savings which he left to my brother and I equally but we have to wait until his wife dies before receiving our full inheritance. She is currently 77 and fit and healthy and could live for another 20 years or more.
My brother’s financial circumstances are good but mine are not. I have young children and we are struggling for various reasons, one of which is my husband’s health. Shortly before my dad died, we invested in a property that needed complete refurbishment so my £25,000 was swallowed up in a year. My mother in law lives in New Zealand and developed cancer in the past few years, followed by further complications. My husband is self employed so a trip to NZ would cost the best part of £10,000 but we simply don’t have that available. We are making plans to move there but this will take time. To set ourselves up for the future, we have to finish the house to maximise our profit, or even to rent it out which is our preferred option, but we don’t have the money to finish it. It’s taken every extra penny and line of credit available to us and we are living a very frugal existence.
I have asked my dad’s wife for help several times, suggesting she release half of the investment she made with the sale proceeds from our family home, half representing my mother’s share. I accept that my dad wants her to be able to live in his share of the property but my mother didn’t get a say in it and I doubt she would be happy with the way things are.
My dad’s wife has very firmly said no to my requests, even hiring a solicitor to tell me so. I have been painted as a money-hungry b***h. Needless to say, we are very much estranged.
Many articles say that tenants in common is a great arrangement and keeps everyone happy but, as someone living with it, let me tell you, the reality is very different. Okay, I might get my inheritance eventually, perhaps when I’m in my 60s or 70s, but now is when I need it. If I die before my dad’s wife, it will pass to my children but they don’t have the emotional attachment to it that I do. Every time I think of it, all I can see is our lovely family home, that my mother loved.
My situation my mum and dad join will leaving everything split between me and sister . mother dies . father remarries invalidating will . she comes into marrage with nothing – refuses to do a will prior to marriage . she leaves him within first year until he puts her name on the deads and then he writes joint will with new woman then writes leaving over 80% of his and my mothers wealth plus house he has already given her. (wont even put house in trust to come back to family) and leaving me just 25k out of my mothers shares- insult that i get 25k out of shares my mothers shares by consent of this new woman her shares were worth over 150k with all furure growth going to new wife. he is also leaving a small amount to my children – less than my sisters who is very well off as she has more children . as he says we have had enough . new wife is to get all my mothers things my mothers bonds approx 100k and future growth in her shares and all my fathers shares over £100k plus house worth £300k. the betrail is huge , the loss of my mothers things is huge . and there is nothing i can do about it as he has given the house in his life time . She is currently cleaning his bank accounts out with lost of unnecessary changes to her(their) house and planning lost of holidays . my father used to be a lovely man but not any more . his dad left 25k to his girlfriend and my father was upset but that is insignificant to what he has done to his children and grandchildrens future .
would have been happy with house in trust and money split 3 ways plus money to grand kids but no she wants every thing and he wants her to have it . my mother god bless her is long since dead and there is nothing we can do life is so unfair .
I’m and adult daughter of a dying father. I have one adult sister, so that makes my dad with 2 biological children. His wife, the step mother has 2 children of her own to different men. My dad and her have been married for 19 years. I’ve read several comments on here that suggest the step mother should receive the entire estate because she still has whatever life to live. Given her and my dad met late in life, I question what assets she already had to protect her future. On top of that, my dad is an old style man and she never had to work, he funded anything she wanted which is unlike my dad to be that financially generous.
So if I go with the theory that she should receive his entire estate because she is older in life, what about when she passes, do her children receive everything? She is a dual citizen in another country, so I can see those assets quickly leaving my home country or her going back to where she came from as she has no family where we live.
To me, this situation is morally wrong. If you’re meeting a person later in life it is fair to presume that person survived perfectly fine to that point. So although legally entitled, why else are they entitled? If the rules one day changed where all assets prior are legally that of the biological family by removing subsequent marriages from being legally entitled to an estate, I wonder how that will change the behaviour in our society?
This isn’t about emotions, it’s horrible that the step parent gets everything and the biological children nothing. So when that step parent passes, their own children receive the hard earned legacy of another family in which they had nothing to do with, simply because their mother was married to someone elses father.
Sorry ladies, from one woman to another, there is no sense in that. If you have married a man later in life for true love and you were surviving perfectly fine prior to meeting that man, then that is the life you will resume and continue on to live. You are entitled to what you put in.
I’m a step parent figure too, and I have made it clear to my partner that his child is entitled to whatever he had prior to meeting me and anything that he has less what is a roof over my head that will eventually be equally split with his child if something happened to me. I equally contribute and therefore I get what I put in. This ridiculous logic that step parents who come along later in life being entitled to the assets of another family is so wrong. Turn the table the other way, how would you feel for your own children to get nothing?
Anyone who marries for financial security has an invalid argumemt. The ongoing of a family legacy is so important to building the foundations of a solid community and inheritance ultimately serves that, this same notion is evident in tribal immunities and is no different in materialistic western immunities. We reproduce for legacy, we work hard to give something for our offspring, how dare someone else be so selfish to either take or make full claim to the legacy of another family based on some argument that is you need to survive – how on earth did you survive up until that meeting?
Spouses who meet later in life are meeting for companionship, the argument of estate by the step parent shouldnt occur. We all know the step parent is legally entitled from day 1 of the union being legally recognised, so anyone having that argument is not in it for moral reasons. Take what you put in ,nothing more.
I think you are totally wrong, sorry. I think if a parent wants what he/she wants in a will and specifies that, then thats what it is. It doesn’t matter how long he/she is married to the person, if the husband was in his right mind when he wrote his wishes, then comply with them.
I really hate the narrative of the “evil stepmonster” that permeates everything when it comes to step-kids and marriage. I am a stepmother, I have been married to my husband for 30 years, his kids are all in their 40s and when I met my husband he was a recovering alchoholic, living with his mom and driving a 200 dollar car. We were both broke, and now we have assets.
Why do people spend their whole lives wondering who is supposed to get what when somebody dies? Seriously? Make your own way in the world, if you get an inheritance, what a blessing but don’t expect that just because you exist, you are owed something.
When my mom got sick and we started to deal with her estate, she was at about one million in net worth, pretty crazy. My sister was shocked, but not unheard of for the greatest generation. Well the will said, sell and divide everything up. Easy, right? I assumed that most of her worth would go to her nursing care (14k a month at the time) and figured, it is what it is.
Sadly, she died just a few short months later. Money was missing from her account (sister and brother in law helped themselves to it while POA). Why? I tell you why, because posts like this = entitlement brain. You are owed something or entitled to something, nope, not how life works.
I was appointed executor, my brother was a horrible human being who did nothing his whole life but leech off my parents, my sister stole money. What did i do? I looked at the will and followed my dad and moms wishes, everything split three ways. I made my sister pay everything back. She stopped talking to me. No loss.
Nothing is expected, nothing is given, if somebody is alive and writes a directive, follow through with that persons wishes.
My grandfather and step grandma were marraied for over 50 years my mother and her brothers looked up to my step grandma as a biological mother she practically raised her. I was the grandchild and no no difference other then she was my grandma she wasn’t considered step nor did I know til I got to be an adult at age 18. My grandfather passed away he built the home that lived in and it was paid off his saving all his money assets etc and everything went to grandma. She too as well as him worked hard to leave us grandchildren and great grandchildren well off when they passed. Grandma remarriages later on in life for a companionship he only lived for a short 5-6 years. He went behind my grandmas back and did some crooked things with my grandfathers gold and silver to gamble it away my mother was on the will. When my grandma became ill a couple months his kids that have practically had nothing to do with my grandma since there grandpa died her second marriage for short few years for companion ship died, anyways when she got sick they knew there was money involved and they showed up as they were doing something for her my mother was power of estate and on the will to get everything and divide it amoungst equally and the daughter of her second marriage came like a snake and talked my sick grandma into putting her power of estate my mother took off that day waiting on a phone for her and the Attorny to tell her when to meet up at the hospital where my grandma was sick at to go on about this business my mom was not willing to let her take full reign of everything beings that was my grandfathers money and has been set in stone for years and years that she was power estate my grandma did not have dimentia she had cancer the daughter of the 2nd man that my grandma married for companion never contacted my mom and told the lawyer and my grandma that she called and said she couldn’t make it there for made my mother look like she didn’t care. When my mom showed up wondering why no one had contacted her the lady then said and lied that they had been trying to contact her. The house that my grandfather built that had all his rare high priced belongings and all my grandmas gold and diamonds he bought her once every year they locked her out of and said she had to only enter with them because they had doors locked and the keys. My mom would have given them a percent of it but it is wrong to what they are doing and my mom needs to stand up for her self she has worked hard her whole life so have us kids and we took care of the house and grandma and everything up until she got sick. This is not right for these ppl to get to do this. But my mom’s so beyond hurt she won’t even begin to think of what to do? I’m tryimg to help as a grandchild tho my grandmother was no legally blood but never had kid of her own because she basically took my in and us in as her own. Not sure if legally or not but we all have same last name and the 28 years I’ve been alive I’ve known no different until ten years ago she wasn’t my blood grandma. How is it right for her second marriage kids to go in and take all my grandfathers money when my mom was in the strictly on the will and power of estate?? Please help can we contest ?? I hate to be this way over money but it’s not even about the money it’s about these people can’t get away with being snakes like this. It’s so wrong. I have nothing of my grandfathers to hand down to my daughter. They gave my mom customer jewelry when she asked for the diamonds and gold necklaces but really heard thru other people they sold them and kept the cash. Please help once again.