You know, perspectives on things can really change as we get older. And these changes can be somewhat complex.
For example, I find that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more empathetic and compassionate toward other people. Not that I wasn’t before (at least I hope not!), but it sometimes takes life experience to understand how we each take our own individual journey to get to where we are. Kindness and compassion trump judgment and generalization. It’s something I’m continually developing on.
Another example, almost counterintuitively, is that I’m caring less and less about what others think of me. Maybe better put, I’m not worrying about being judged by others as much as I might have in the past!
To the latter point, I’ll illustrate by briefly sharing my clothes shopping and haircut experiences and how they’ve changed.
For clothes, I would – in the past – only buy really good quality stuff from Nordstrom or small handful of other places in that category. Not only for work, but for cool casual things for going out on weekends. These days, I don’t do that at all. I’d be more likely to buy something very inexpensive (but nice) on sale from J.C. Penney.
That’s huge difference is “prestige”, and I’m fine with it.
For haircuts, in the past I would’ve spent a decent amount of money – to the tune of $40 for a men’s haircut. Now, I’ll drop $15 for a cut. I wrote about this before, in a post on how much to spend on a haircut. Clearly, I’m fine with it.
Frankly, I don’t see how those more expensive purchases in the past made that much difference in my life. Did paying 2 to 3 (or more) times more back then give me that much more for my money? Probably not. I simply felt good about it, and that I was keeping up with others that way. Maybe not consciously, but at least subconsciously.
I think that this type of spending behavior just might be one of the biggest obstacles to people reaching financial independence (a topic I was reminded of in a recent post on Messy Money). Or, at least it’s something that actually prevents them from even trying to achieve it – even if they know that it would be a great place to be!
Why wouldn’t someone want to be financially free?
I’m not, and have quite a ways to go. It’s not close.
But clearly, I value the concept of being financially responsible. And I don’t really care anymore how it might look to others if I don’t have the same material things.
Here is one way to look at it:
- Would it be worth it to you to have financial independence, but have a worse house, car, clothes, etc. than your friends and peer group? Keep in mind, they would all know that they had nicer things than you, and you would appear to be worse off to the untrained eye.
- Or, would you rather have equivalent house, car, clothes, etc. than these important people in your life – but have to work quite a few more years and not have financial independence? To know that you look good to them.
In other words, having low perceived status but totally quiet freedom you get no social credit for?
Or, having good perceived status (or maybe even “big hat, no cattle“), but keep on plugging away for many years like everyone else in your circle?
I think you know what I would choose. Here’s to actually living within one’s means!
My Questions for You
What about you? Which path sounds better, and more realistic to you?
Do you think keeping up appearances and worrying about what others think is a reason why many people don’t seriously pursue financial independence?
I do not think yo have to compromise your values to achieve financial independence. I didn’t! My children received the best education money could buy, had a nice (our dream) home and a modest lifestyle. I was either fortunate or brilliant selecting income property as my path to independence. Positive cash flow was my mantra and I reinvested all profits. I had reserves for unexpected issues and planned well.
I think savings and investing are key to success. I would emphasize investing, savings are essential too. I don’t think I missed out on very much, but I had to make choices along the way.
Sounds like you did things quite well!
Thanks for mentioning my post. For myself – I am just starting to understand that FI is possible and it makes me question everything I have done financially in the past. I don’t know if our lifestyle has been an effort to keep up with the Joneses (I hope not) or just unquestioned conditioning about what life is supposed to look like or something else. I tend to think that it is just blindly following what society tells us what we are supposed to do and want. Now I am going through the process of asking “what is it that I really do want?” and finding a balance between living today and saving for the future. I don’t have the answers yet, but it has been a great process to try and figure it out.
I think you put it well by saying that it can be a great process to try figuring it out. There is a balance, and at least becoming aware and mindful of tradeoffs and balance is something that could result in real personal growth. Not to mention improved finances as well.
I have never been one to follow the Joneses. My family didn’t have the money when I was growing up for me to even try, and although I had a minor period of overspending in my early 20s, I consider myself to be very frugal. I probably don’t care enough about my appearance sometimes as I’m happiest in jeans and a hoodie, but I’m trying to dress a bit nicer at the office.
I’m totally not into designer clothes or spending money to cut or dye my hair. I’ve cut my own hair for the past 15 years and am so glad I don’t have to worry about dying any gray hairs yet. When that dreaded day comes I’m sure I’ll attempt to do color it myself to save money from going to the salon! No idea if that will work out or not though lol. 🙂
Yeah, the gray hair thing started to happen to me in recent years…funny how that just sneaks up on someone. Though I make them magically disappear! 🙂
We’ve never tried to keep up with the Jones and for many years we felt we needed to purchase cheaper goods and services in order to save. And save we did. I guess we follow Dave Ramsey’s mantra of “live like no one else today so tomorrow you can live like no one else.” It is so rewarding to be living the second part of that phrase today. We haven’t gone crazy with our spending but we have certainly learned to relax a bit.
I like that mantra, makes sense and fits into the mindset that we should always think about making our lives easier when older.
Like you, my haircut expense has dropped as my age has grown. But I think this has more to do with the number of hairs on my head than anything else. 🙂